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Chaos, sadness and a new journey.

Tomorrow I fly to Uzbekistan - that is something I have never written before!

At the end of last year I decided that it was my time for a journey. Like so many other people on this planet, 2018 was a year of chaos for me. There were so many different ways that this chaos manifested, each individual and unique to that person. My chaos manifested as sadness.

My year started with an invitation, which I followed and it led to a really beautiful place. This was a place of love, where I found joy in both giving and receiving love. I let myself go down that path, with an open heart. It was exciting and magical, a beautiful bubble.

But bubbles burst and my bubble burst……..

My bubble was full of tears and I went to a place of grief and sadness. I was surprised by the wealth and depth of grief and sadness that I felt, and as like attracts like, everywhere I went I resonated with the sadness. The sadness came up from the paths, from the trees, everywhere I just felt the sadness……..

I realised that I was tapping into the sadness of the world and in particular the sadness of the women who have waited.

Over the millennium it has often been the role of women to wait. The grandmothers, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, granddaughters, cousins, aunts and nieces – they have all waited for their men to return. Sometimes the men had gone off to hunt, sometimes out to sea to fish, sometimes off to war - called upon for their strength and virility by masters unseen, and many times off to places unknown to make their fortune. And the women waited…….. maybe to hear after many years of their loved ones fate or fortune, often to never hear again, just to wait, to grieve and to be sad.

I connected with the sadness of the waiting women and it was powerful and profound. It led me to places where I could be consciously sad, and to connect intentionally with this sadness and grief and through that process – to release the sadness.

During my life I have felt grief, strong and powerful, but this time it was different. It was a conscious sadness. I was able to recognise it, feel it and then to release it. By doing this I knew I wasn't just releasing my own sadness but also that of so many other women - those who over the centuries had waited and waited and waited……

At the end of this period I knew I had done good work and that my own sadness was gone. I then decided to go on a journey in January. I didn't know where to go, I knew I would be going on my own and was happy with that. Then I remembered a couple I had met in a minibus at Madrid airport. They had just come back from Uzbekistan, they showed me photographs and talked with such animation about what they had seen and where they had been. The decision was made, I was going to Uzbekistan.

I am remarkably blessed in my life, and very grateful for everything that happens. Sometimes it can take a long time to understand the learning, and maybe we will never understand it all in this lifetime. But my journey, my learning continues – and tomorrow I fly to Uzbekistan.

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